A long long time, i have not 'visit' to my space...but today although very tired due to drive back UUM and i choose to write down my feeling here!
Damn sad, dissapointed, speechless, tired...
This sem actually mean nothing to me! The worst feeling always with me!
Ya! I pass through my life with my experience without faith and it is ok but the feeling i get is everything mean nothing for me!
No one can let me share my stuff, my problems, my challenge...Got someone ask me that why not i ask help from my sibling to share my stuff or responsibility but the answer i know and i just keep it in my mind!
I have to learn and be tough in every single matter! I grown up without childhood! I can't ever remember the sweet memory in my childhood! In this world, who really don't care, concern or even spoon feed by others? Especially the childhood even though until now i still desire for love and care from family! But, i also know the answer since the reality had prove everything!
I hate to blame but it was came to me silently and now it was conquer my soul! Everything are out of my control!
Nowadays, i had change...i dislike my house, dislike my family! But, who care, who concern??? I need to release but what is the suitable way to release?? I have too much burden in my shoulder!
I want someone to advise, encourage me when i face something but the role has been change...i get to advise and encourage people! The dissapointed things is not only the people that we really care and really appreciate not going to listen on us but also saying i curse her! Really damn fuck this feeling! Many time decide not going to care on her but i lose...i willing to help when requested!
If i have someone can share with me example my sibling can help to share the family responsibilities, sure i will feel better! I doesn't mean to request anything from them because as my brother, he is too young to get pressure like me and i want he to be concentrate his study but sometime i really need a sister who really can help on me!
I request for help mean i really need you, that is my style! But when i ask your help, you trying to swift to other since the other are busy and blaming me use the temper on you! WTH...suddenly in mind, what for me if i got this kind of sibling??? You may easily throw out irresponsible word but in my situation, i have to take up all the coming responsibilities! I curse you?? If i really want you to be suffer in future, why i am going to worry and pray the best for you!!!
My childhood was break and damage because gamble...the evil of gamble was took away my respective father! Take everything that i have! I lose everything suddenly!
I need extract expenses then i have to earn for it! I have to scold like dog by others, discriminate by others, sunbathe is for a little money!
But, that make me strong and full of experience!
I have to back to my faith...if not!!!!! I will be alone and alone!
I hate the feeling...
Really no one in my around just like i am orphan!
Where is my love??
Where can i get my love??
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